Canon of the Brooding Arts

For Your Consideration: The Leisure Sport of Frisbee

2007-06-02T13:55:00.000-04:00

In the warm spring and summer months, one must take advantage of the pleasant weather by embracing the general advantages of outdoor group sport. Exercise of the body, not just the mind, is one of the many ways in which a true Brooder remains at peak efficiency. However, in group settings you may find yourself in a situation in which varying levels of age and athleticism prohibit you from engaging in the more intense cardiovascular activities such as futbol and basketball. For these instances, CoBrA recommends investing in an inexpensive flying disc, commonly known as a frisbee.

The frisbee, often disregarded as an afterthought or laughingstock of outdoor sporting goods, is actually a mesmerizing and intense piece of equipment. Once the skills of throwing and receiving the frisbee are mastered, you will find yourself entranced by its simple flight, for the frisbee is physics at its most simple and most profound. Yet, the simplicity is only part of the allure of frisbee. When different variables such as wind and distance are taken into account, the game of frisbee becomes all the more challenging and intelligent. The common misconception is that a frisbee simply needs to be tossed; however, one must always consider such variables as how strong to throw, at what trajectory to launch, and at what angle to deliver. Oh yes, the frisbee is simple, but it is this defiant lack of complexity, this infinite classicism, that allows it to always remain brooding.

Great Performances in Brooding: Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek.

2006-12-01T01:09:00.000-05:00

Great Performances in Brooding: Jan Michael Vincent in Airwolf

2006-07-04T01:07:00.000-04:00

Name: Stingfellow Hawke

Occupation: Pilot of Mach-1+ Stealth Attack Helicopter for "The Firm"

Place of residence: Log Cabin in the wilderness

Hobbies: Collecting priceless works of Art / Playing Cello

Attire: Grey or Black Flight suit with Black Helmet

Pet: Bald Eagle

MASTER BROODERS: Brian Thompson

2006-06-20T14:05:00.000-04:00

A man of few words, but much expression. A man near physical perfection, yet balanced by a mastery of an artistic craft. A man of imposing brawn and breadth of shoulders, though hollowed in his facial cheeks. This man is Brian Thompson, actor. You shall remember him from his quiet, deadly performance as Sylvester Stallone's nemesis in the action classic, Cobra, or as the similarly quiet alien bounty hunter in The X-Files television programme. His performances are never weighed down by lenghty verbal exposition, but rather anchored by a physical grace that never succumbs to slapstick or humour. This is a serious man. A real man. A brooding man.

In Search of Brooding - Hong Kong and Macau

2006-06-02T00:54:00.000-04:00

Brooding Essentials Volume 5. Socks and Shoes.

2006-05-17T10:09:00.000-04:00

Cap-toe. Slip-on. Wingtip. Oxford. Driving moccasin. Square-toe. Wood-soled. Yes, when discussing the Brooder’s shoes the selections are indeed many. The qualities of such footwear will certainly vary as will both the fit and prestige. And, of course, depending on the occasion, the type of shoe will also need to be determined. Such a broad discussion can be engaged in from the topic of men’s footwear; however, it is CoBrA’s pleasure to provide you with a brief glimpse at some the essentials of not only shoes, but complimentary socks as well!

For the Brooder at work, particularly an office of corporate setting, CoBrA recommends any sort of cap-toe, wingtip, Oxford, of, provided they are shined and not too bulky, step-in business loafer. The classic formality of such selections allows the Brooder to display his singular, business-like efficiency and performance, but the stylish and universally accepted appeal of these models also lets the Brooder’s co-workers know that he is also part of the team.

For the Brooder in a social setting, such as a pub or similar festivity, CoBrA recommends any sort of square-toe leather shoe. Easy to match with jeans, khakis, or slacks, the square-toe shoe provides an unchallenged versatility that allows the Brooder to slip seamlessly between the social and professional orbs.

For the weekend Brooder, notably during the running of errands or other essential lifestyle-maintenance activities, CoBrA suggests a comfortable mid-sized boot or soft-leather moccasin. These styles usual come with a thicker, more durable, and certainly more comfortable fit than the aforementioned sorts. Of course, weekend shoes are not of the formal variety, but they are functional and, when worn appropriately, should not detract from one’s brooding.

For fitness activities such as weight training and running, CoBrA recommends the use of soft-soled athletic trainers and/or “sneakers”. Several companies, such as New Balance, Asics, Brooks, and Nike, manufacture wonderful varieties for all sorts of foot types, activities, and climates.

Lastly, CoBrA is pleased to share with you one of the golden rules when incorporating footwear into your personal attire: Always, always, ensure that the socks compliment both the shoes and the belt. It is not necessary to have the socks be the same color, but at the very least, the transition from foot to ankle to pant to waist should be seamless!

Great Performances in Brooding: Russell Crowe in L.A. Confidential.

2006-05-10T18:18:00.000-04:00

Certainly, it is without argument that 1997 was the year of James Cameron’s Titanic. It was a fine film with good performances and a magnetic luster that did fantastically well at the box office. Leonardo DiCaprio was made into a major movie star and Mr. Cameron himself became the director of the most successful motion picture in history. But the Brooding Arts will always remember 1997 for the masterful work of Russell Crowe as haunted, heroic, and machismo-dripping Detective Bud White in Curtis Hanson’s wonderful L.A. Confidential.

Set in 1950’s Los Angeles and as crisp a thriller as there has ever been, L.A. Confidential was the perfect canvas for Mr. Crowe to brush his broad stroke of brooding and mystery. His detective was, admittedly, not the most intelligent and he often crossed aggressive lines that most men would never dare. But in his well-worn wool suits and thin shirtsleeves accented by classic ribbed tank tops, Bud White radiated a charismatic, if dangerous and menacing, quality of manliness. It is the brilliance of Mr. Crowe as an actor that made this masculinity more realistic by adding the tortured ingredients of romance and frailty. He was a lion, but one who was conflicted. Yet despite all of these many elements Mr. Crowe’s Bud White had what all brooder’s must have: a moral code. He may have done the unsavory to abide by his, but, in the end, he made the decision to follow it. Is it ironic that now, almost a decade later, Mr. Crowe is without argument the finer, more versatile performer than Mr. DiCaprio? CoBrA thinks not…

In Search of Brooding - Bermuda

2006-05-01T00:31:00.000-04:00

Brooding Essentials Volume 4. Money Clip and Cigarette Case.

2006-04-23T19:04:00.000-04:00

Master Brooders know that formal occasions call for formal accessories. Black Tie events, cotillions, weddings, and awards ceremonies are, aside from being excellent social and dining festivities, showcases for one’s etiquette, elegance, and personal couth. In this installment of Brooding Essentials we will focus on two very important accessories for the modern brooder: the money clip and the cigarette case.

The money clip, preferably made of either metal or leather, is an excellent tool for attracting the eyes of fellow brooders and highbrow sophisticates. The money clip easily separates one’s credit cards and identifications from bill monies. When ordering a drink from the open bar a generous tip for the bartender is mandatory and what better way to hold one’s paper currency than in a money clip. The clip itself fits comfortably in either the pants pocket or the inside chest pocket of a sport or tuxedo coat. It’s ability to maintain the crispness of the bills is a quality touch, but more than anything it eliminates the hassle of removing one’s wallet or billfold thus saving both time and clutter. Like the brooder who carries it, the money clip is streamlined and stylish.

Many states, such as New York and California, have prohibited the smoking of cigarettes indoors. CoBrA itself does not necessarily endorse the smoking of tobaccos, but we do recognize the traditions behind the enjoyment of cigarettes and cigars. If you are a smoker of cigarettes and you find yourself at one of the aforementioned types of festivities we recommend you carry a traditional cigarette case (as with the money clip, preferably made of either metal or leather). The benefits of carrying a cigarette case are many, but mostly the case allows one to retain the airs of mystery and elegance that are so important for the Master Brooder. The mystery comes from the uncertainty fellow partygoers will feel when trying to discover what brand of cigarette is held in said case, the elegance from the refined appearance of the case. It should also be added that the use of a cigarette case must be accompanied by either a butane or refillable lighter from manufacturers such as Zippo, Lucienne, Bugatti, or S.T. Dupont.

We reiterate that the money clip and cigarette case are required for formal occasions, but not necessarily required for day-to-day use. If, however, you do choose to use these items every day you will most certainly enhance your brooding, something we will never fault you for. As always, be considerate when practicing your Brooding, for CoBrA does not want you to be perceived as a stubborn elitist. Rather, strive to be the elite of Brooding.

MASTER BROODERS: Kurt Masur, the Harmonious Brooder.

2006-04-16T20:01:00.000-04:00

Few men completely embody and channel their brooding as thoroughly and completely as Kurt Masur, reknowned conductor of the famed and prestigous New York Philharmonic Orchestra! Imagine, if you will, the utter mastery of the brooding arts needed to both receive and channel the musical talents of one hundred plus professional musicians. Ponder, if you can, the strong mental acumen needed to appropriate all of those talents and organically mesh them into a cohesive, symbiotic whole! Allow us, if you may, to remind you that Kurt Masur has not only performed this duty exceptionally well for decades, but has done so while remaining an air of regality that is impervious to both duress and criticism. As he has aged his endurance in the continuous studies of Brooding has shown through his works as well as his personal style. In the photographs below you can clearly see how Mr. Masur, in two full body poses, radiates a calm, resplendent, and sublime aura of mystery and elegance. His audio recording (available on compact disc) of Beethoven's Simphonie Nr.9 D-Moll Op.125 is exquisite and is a flawless, excellent companion with a fine novel, a chilled bottle of Pinot Grigio, grapes, and cheeses. CoBrA endorses and celebrates Mr. Masur's extravagant career.

In Search of Brooding - Wolf Parade Concert

2006-04-10T01:10:00.000-04:00

Brooding On: Metrosexuality.

2006-04-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

The Brooding man is indeed a stylish man. He is well spoken. He practices only the most distinguished lessons of ettiquette and chivalry. He is competent in both fashion and culture. To be a Master Brooder you must ensure that you maintain a firm grasp on these principles while evading the superficial trappings and momentary lustres of modern trends. For instance, a common amusement that has been rather popular for a while now is the ridiculous campaign of men towards metrosexuality. Metrosexuality is, of course, the movement in which men set aside good reason to pursue a feministic esthetic sensibility. Followers of metrosexuality also show great interest in their trendier looks and fashions. It is true that CoBrA endorses quality garments and/or accessories, we may even have choice positive words for the occassional grooming product, in order to refine one's appearance. However, we must stress the very broad line between Brooding and Metrosexuality.

Brooding is the study of elegance, mystery, intelligence, and chivalry. Take note, though, that brooding is not limited to these four very important divisions. They serve merely as guidelines within the Brooding Arts, guidelines that, when followed and applied with discipline, will make your life much, much more brooding. Metrosexuality, on the other hand, is merely a lesser dogma of general fashion. The strict adherence and adoration of fashionable garments serves no purpose in strengthening one's mystery or intelligence. If anything, the loud, preposterous designs of current chic styles churned out by popular boutiques, clothiers, and emporios detract from one's brooding. Also, the severe "cutting edge" hairstyles favored by the metrosexual are also very non-brooding, particularly the dreaded return of "highlights" and "frosted tips". Simplicity is an art not practicied enough these days, but simplicity and straightforwardness are key elements in the training of any student of the Brooding Arts. A Master Brooder is a combination of the essences of all things; whereas, a metrosexual is a template of vanity and physical arrogance.

Secondly, it is well known that the metrosexual has quite the penchant for over-the-top grooming products. A metrosexual may favor exfoliating cremes, nail polishes, cosmetic waxes, parfumes, and even subtle facial foundations. Brooders, in understanding that classic and austere grooming methods are not just essential but surprisingly bountiful, are more than efficient with the simple razor, shaving creme, nail cutter, and, for special occassions, a non-offensive eau de toilette. CoBrA hates to use cliches, but in the case of grooming less really is more.

Lastly, and most generally, the Brooding Arts will always, always, favour classicism over modern vogue. If you find yourself at the crossroads between Brooding and Metrosexuality always take into account the longevity of things. Which turtleneck will you be able to wear season after season: the black or the baby blue? Which hairstyle is most appropriate for all affairs: the crew cut of the shaggy mop? Which instance of grooming radiates the most masculinity and least self-absorbtion: the clean shave or the perfectly trimmed pointed sideburns and soul patch? We are certain that when you apply similar circumstances to your own life the decision to choose Brooding over Metrosexuality will not only be easy, but apparent.

The Brooding Paradox: Overbrooding.

2006-03-19T20:54:00.000-05:00

As one continues down the wondrous paths of brooding it is quite necessary to take several deep breaths and re-evaluate where you stand on your way to becoming a Master Brooder. Are you properly attired? Has your vocabulary deepened? Are your principles of ettiquete razor sharp? Have your cheeks hollowed? These are all questions you must ask yourself each day. More importantly, you must be honest in your answers for not only will you be judged by other Brooders, but you will undoubtedly know if you are falsifying your own Brooding! Now, there is also another dilemma that you must be wary of. It is a common error for all new students of the Brooding Arts. It is called Overbrooding. Overbrooding occurs when one's robust appetite for the Brooding Arts crosses the line of refinery into maddened addiction. It takes a trained eye to spot an overbrooder, but look closely and you will most certainly find one. An overbrooder, for example, may let his love of brooding hinder him from associating with those who are less brooding. He may wear the beloved turtleneck well into the spring solistice when a classic dark coloured polo shirt will suffice. He may overdo the brooding accessories by using a money clip, tie bar, cigarette case, timepiece, and sock garters all at the same time. Beware this man. It is very possible that his frenzy for all things brooding has pushed him past the horizon of all reproach! There are only a seldom few who can rescue him and, unless you are a Master Brooder, you should not attempt to approach him by any means.

Brooding Essentials Volume 3. The Brooder's Beverage.

2006-03-12T22:05:00.000-05:00

As one endures the rigors of each phase in the Brooding Arts one must begin to refocus the training inward. This leads us to a merging of the arts with the most important vessel of brooding: the body. The human adult body is sixty percent water and thus the first step of ingesting brooding is through the replenishment of fluids. CoBrA has compiled a catalogue of acceptable beverages that, when consumed appropriately, will enhance the circulation of brooding throughout the body. The catalogue is comprised of three main categories and is to be studied as follows:

NUTRITIONAL - Life, and thus brooding, would not exist if it were not for the world's most valuable solvent: water. All serious brooders are to consume at least one liter of water per day. Water will help basic motor and brain functions; in addition, it will provide continuous cleansing of toxins that can make one's body decidedly non-brooding. Another nutritional beverage of note is juice, specifically those which are made from vitamin C rich fruits such as oranges. Orange juice, with its high acidity and natural sugars, can give one a healthy boost of vitality when moderately consumed. It is also delicious when coupled with similarly healthy breakfast foods. Lastly, herbal teas (when derived from their unprocessed leaves and used with a traditional infuser and hot water) also provide numerous anti-oxidants as well as healing attibutes and non-harmful stimulants.

LIBATIONS - A serious brooder is also a refined and seasoned brooder; therefore, his spirit of choice should always allow him the opportunity to show his quality. All selections must be of vintage and be taken straight, without mixers, and served in the appropriate glass, tumbler, and/or snifter. Wines, particularly from the Napa/Sonoma and Bordeaux regions; Scotch Whiskies; and Dessert Brandies and/or Bourbons are the preferred libations of choice among brooders.

RECREATIONALS - CoBrA does not endorse, but does allow, the consumption of the occasional lager and/or stout. The high caloric values and brutish history of these beverages tends to detract from one's brooding. Only indulge in these if you find yourself in a setting where they are essential to the enjoyment of the affair such as sporting events and outdoor celebrations where barbecued foods (to be touched on later) are served.

As always, be considerate when practicing your Brooding, for CoBrA does not want you to be perceived as a stubborn elitist. Rather, strive to be the elite of Brooding.

Great Performances in Brooding: Kurt Russell in The Thing.

2006-03-05T09:21:00.000-05:00

As helicopter pilot R.J. MacReady in John Carpenter's The Thing (1982), Kurt Russell singed the screen with an awesome, paramount display of cold, calculating, and savvy Brood. Based at a lonely, distant research station in Antartica, The Thing recounts, in impeccably exciting and tense fashion, the struggles of twelve men as they combat an alien force that is not only deadly but hidden among them.

Mr. Russell delivers the finest performance in the film. Early on we see him, alone, engaged in a battle of wits with a computer chess game. Unable to best his opponent, Mr. Russell's MacReady fells the computer by pouring a glass of J&B with ice into its hard-drive. Such manly all-or-nothing moves serve as a precursor of the many hard decisions MacReady will have to make as the threat of the alien invader increases. A pilot among a group of scientists, MacReady eventually proves to be the most capable thinker in the group as he slyly begins to outhink the extra-terrestrial menace in what is surely one of cinema's greatest cat-and-mouse features. The climax of The Thing, where MacReady and the few remaining survivors make the conscious decision to sacrifice themselves in order to destroy the alien thus ensuring that mankind will not be destroyed by its multiplying hideousness, is an achievement in the Brooding Arts and could not have been successfully accomplished had Mr. Russell not been cast in the lead role.

Yes, the film is entitled The Thing (or, more appropriately, John Carpenter's The Thing) and it, like the performace of its leading man, is unforgivingly brooding. From the snowy landscapes to the the minimalist score to the classic, almost academic, simplicity of its man-versus-beast theme, this film deserves a place in your DVD collection. And, oh the pleasure, of having Mr. Russell stare at you from your shelf as he gazes outward from the DVD case's spine.

MASTER BROODERS: Fiona Apple, the Tortured Brooder.

2006-02-27T20:21:00.000-05:00

It is a well-known addage that in the world of music true Brooders are very few and far between. Some may be quick to point out such performers as Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones or, to a far lesser degree, the annoyingly childish ex-Libertine, Pete Doherty; however, one must, must, remember that in order to be brooding you should never be so flamboyant or self-important that your brooding turns into one of the many horrors of pretentiousness: self-parody. The two aforementioned musicians have severely stained any hope of retaining whatever brooding qualities they had through years of well-publicized antics and deprecation of both self and art.

With that being said, CoBrA is pleased to recommend the wonderful works of female Master Brooder: Fiona Apple. Ms. Apple first entered the music scene in 1997 as what appeared to be yet another entry into the endless stream of studio-manufactured teen music sensations. Of course, her intensely erotic video for her hit single, Criminal, from her debut album, Tidal, allowed her to enjoy a commercial success via MTV that catapulted her career velocity to exquisite heights. It seemed that Ms. Apple was destined to be the alt-rock parallel to Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera, but as the thunder from her first disc waned she came back with a surprisingly mature and jazzy sophomore effort, When the Pawn. It was with her second album that Ms. Apple distanced herself from her mainstream counterparts. Sacrificing commercial viability for artistic integrity, Ms. Apple gave her cult-like following a truly memorable album rich with a smoky, backroom candor laced over her beautiful piano capabilities.

Her latest effort, the seamless, magnificent, Extraordinary Machine, continued the momentum established from When The Pawn, thus cementing Ms. Apple as a viable Artist with a capital A. The results of Extraordinary Machine: A soundtrack for Brooding. Fair-weather music fans will always remember Ms. Apple as the sexy, panty-clad nymphette from the Criminal video, but if you are willing to splurge on any of her entries (Extraordinary Machine is the recommended selection) you will be pleasantly surprised by an artist who is humorous, intelligent, poetic, and, of course, brooding.

The Brooding Paradox: Brooding at the Gym.

2006-02-16T19:12:00.000-05:00

In this installment of The Brooding Paradox we will cover how to display one's mastery of brooding in one of the Brooder's favourite places: The Gym or Health Club. Before we begin we must, must, mention that a membership to a gym is an en essential for all brooders, for the mental and physical self-intimacy afforded within the sweaty walls of the gym allow for a concentrated hour-to-two-hour display of intense, primal brooding!

To be brooding in the gym one must completely distance one's self from all of the many exterior distractions and entertainments inside. Of course, it is without saying that it is impossible not to admire or pass brief glances at other persons with magnificent physiques and esthetic wonderments; however, one must evade the entertainment consoles that provide petty entertainments such as music videos and television programmes. (Some quality programming such as news broadcasts, money channels, and the occassional sports programme are allowed, albeit in moderation.) Nothing spells doom for a brooder's mystique more than to be seen working furiously on a high-end piece of cardio equipement whilst viewing non-brooding entertainments such as a situation comedy (also known as a sitcom), MTV, or reality television programmes. Instead, focus your attention inward and, if you can, do not use the entertainment consoles. CoBrA recommends carrying a portable electronic device with at least 1 gigabyte of storage. Such devices offer vast and varied music selections that can be custom created to increase both your workout and internal brooding.

For non-cardio exercises such as free-weights, abdominal crunches, and nautilus equipment, it is key to keep your gaze focused either on yourself (provided there are mirrored walls) or in a constant and unwavering stare to the area directly opposite your view. Such simmering eye-work will educate other gym-goers to your unchallenged intensity. (Author Brett Easton Ellis described such a stare as the "eyes white as ice" glare.)

In all, remember that the gym or health club is not a place for socializing. It is an establishment created for the betterment of self; thus, you must honor its sanctity and practice as little sociliazin and person-to-person contact as possible.

In Search of Brooding - MF Doom Concert

2006-02-08T22:00:00.000-05:00

With this new entry to the Canon - In Search of Brooding, we will highlight the travels of Master Brooders, Bruce or Dahn, in their quest to discover new sources of Brooding . On January twenty sixth of the year two thousand six, Bruce Bruder attended the MF Doom concert at the Nokia Theatre in Manhattan’s fabled Times Square. The event, a Hip Hop concert, an unlikely venue for brooding elements, featured the most brooding artist in the world of Hip Hop – MF Doom. Mr. Doom, whom performs with a metal mask whilst on stage, is truly one of the more gifted members in the fraternity of Rap.

His various aliases shroud Mr. Doom in a fog of brood. Be it Madvillian, Viktor Vaughn, King Geedorah or Danger Doom, Mr. Doom consistently befuddles the listener with lyrical tenacity, circuitous beats and themes that resonate within the arts of brooding.
Bravo performance Mr. Doom, Bravo.

Other performers of note included the following:

Big Daddy Kane
Little Brother
Jin
With Pete Rock on the turntables

Great Performances in Brooding: Wes Bentley in American Beauty.

2006-02-02T19:38:00.000-05:00

As Ricky Fitts in American Beauty, Wes Bentley presented us with one of the most haunting, precise portayals of brooding ever committed to film. The depth and intelligence of his performance is so great that CoBrA has decided to honour his work with the first entry in our all new, occassional spotlight entitled: Great Performances in Brooding. This is not to say that Mr. Bentley is a Master Brooder, but, for that brief moment in 1999 he captured us with incomparable levels of handsome darkness and foreboding wit. Remarkable, indeed, was the way he was able to mesh the otherworldly delights of marijuana-selling with homemade cinema verite and avante-garde fashion. Perhaps it was the wonderful screenplay by Alan Ball that gave the role of Ricky Fitts so much brooding complexity, so much unforgiving scholastic melancholy. Perhaps it was Mr. Bentley himself who anchored the role with just the right measurements of aloofness and reflection. If only Mr. Bentley had continued to be consistently brooding with his film choices he may have had the potential to one day enter the pantheon of Master Brooders. Regardless of who is genuinely worthy of the credit, this is a performance that continues to shape Brooders to this day. It is a milestone of brooding and we here at CoBrA consider it essential viewing for all those who seriously study the Brooding Arts. To see this Great Performance in Brooding please make your way to your local video shoppe and procure a copy of Sam Mendes' American Beauty.

MASTER BROODERS: Jennifer Connelly, the Brooding Actress.

2006-01-29T20:21:00.000-05:00

We here at the CoBrA must reinforce that Brooding is an art and discipline is required for its mastery. Many may attempt to emanate its glory through a deep devotion and an avid appetite for all that is Brooding. Therefore, we at CoBrA must pay homage to those of the female species who strive to be proficient in the Brooding Arts. One such woman who is championing this movement is Jennifer Connelly. Ms. Connelly’s consistent and elegant portrayals of various intelligent and restless characters, has earned her accolades and the most brooding of prizes, an Oscar. However, it is the bodies of work that she has chosen that distances the expanse between her and other actresses working today. These film titles read like the tombstone of Brooding guru –

Dark City
Waking the Dead
Requiem for a Dream
House of Sand and Fog
Dark Water

Her natural radiance and thoughtful approach to this art has helped her achieve the title of Master Brooder.

Brooding Inquiries: 21 January 2006.

2006-01-21T18:12:00.000-05:00

The Query: "I am trying to be more brooding and I was recently looking to purchase a PDA. Could you recommend one that is appropriately brooding?" -Adam, Stonybrook.

The Riposte: CoBrA would never frown on the digital personal data assistant since current technology is so very productive, esthetically pleasing, and cost efficient. Indeed, in modern times it is just not practical to not have some sort of device to assist in organizing telephone numbers and e-mail addresses, important dates and appointments, meal plans, exercise regimens, personal budgets, and other information. However, in regards to brooding, there is one item that you could use to manage all of the aforementioned informations while also retaining an air of dashing elegance and distinguished aptitude. It is the classic agenda. An agenda, while not digital, serves just as many purposes as a PDA; however, its fine, lined papers and handsome leather jacket give it a look that is timeless, a look that will not fade as newer, updated models of PDAs hit the market. As an added bonus, many agendas come complete with calendared and/or dated pages, handy slots for business cards, charts for measuring units, a convenient, attached ribbon that serves as a page marker, and, if you have the desire, can be monogrammed and/or personalized to your own taste. Perfect for use with a luxury fountain pen.

Brooding Essentials Volume 2. Poses and Accoutrements.

2006-01-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

Since most humans learn and adapt through visualization and action, there will be illustrations, pictures, portraits and other media in order to provide one with the common frame or reference for each tenet of the Brooding Essentials.

Upon obtaining the aforementioned material prerequisites, one must now turn their attention to pre-existing visions of brooding to provide an orientation for ones demeanor. Included in this post are the following freely available examples of Brooding persons.

Please take note of the following subjects and their accoutrements of Brood.

Marlon Brando in a classic standing pose. Arms crossed, fitted black tee shirt, his gaze off into the distance with simmering intensity.

Christian Bale in the essential seated pose. Please note the hand placement. This is performed to enhance ones image of being perceived as a person of deep thought. It also has the added effect of diffusing light that might strike the face thus creating shadow and mystery.

Yaphet Kotto demonstrating the uses of a chapeau and sunglasses. There are scant items that can enhance ones brooding as well as a fine hat and (black) sunglasses.

As always, be considerate when practicing your Brooding, for CoBrA does not want you to be perceived as a stubborn elitist. Rather, strive to be the elite of Brooding.

Highlights from Brooders' Summit, 13 January 2006.

2006-01-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

The Canon of the Brooding Arts held an emergency summit on 13 January 2006 in order to announce that Entry Level Brooding Candidate Michael Cocuzza of Southern New Jersey would be vacating his candidacy at CoBrA due to "employment opportunities in Florida". While we will miss his devotion to learning the ways of Brooding we likewise wish him well and hope that not only good fortune, but intense brooding, find him in the Southern States!

The summit was held at The Irish Punt located in the bowels of Downtown Manhattan. We have attached several photographs to help illustrate the intense brooding that occured that evening.

(Right)
Brooding Arts members of various levels and disciplines: Michael Cocuzza, Michelle Ortiz, Marykate Locantore, and Arthur Busby. Please note the incredible brooding on Entry Level Brooding applicant Arthur Busby. See how he utilizes his darker complexion to seamlessly blend into the oakenwood background.

(Left) Dahn Darq and Michael Cocuzza enjoying a brief moment of solitude and academic melancholy.

(Right) Bruce Bruder, Michael Cocuzza, and Dahn Darq brooding in size order. Note the concentrated perfection of Bruce Bruder as he enjoys a cigarette and the slim definition of Dahn Darq's excellent hollow cheeks.

MASTER BROODERS: Marlon Brando, the Classic Brooder.

2006-01-12T21:58:00.000-05:00

Marlon Brando in order to conveyIt would be appropriate for CoBrA to simply post photographs of his mastery of the Brooding Arts, but, when a man so fully exemplifies the proud pillars of elegance and mystery both in life and death, we feel that some choice words are mandatory to ensure that he is the recipient of only the most complimentary of titles: The Classic Brooder. Celebrities may be brooding in film or in photo, the common man may be brooding in day to day activities. Mr. Brando, though, chose to engage the intimacies of brooding both in art and life, thus elevating him to a stature far above any other person. It can be said here that he is and perhaps always will be the proud tower of Brooding by which all others shall be judged. And what a glorious bar he has set for all to follow. From his desperate, machismo laced performance in A Streetcar Named Desire to his paternal, patient, calculated portrayal of Vito Corleone in The Godfather; From his witty, political decision to send a representative to accept his Academy Award to his astounding championing of the brooding arts in his small yet critical role in Apocalypse Now, Marlon Brando is what all Brooders must be: elegant, smooth, handsome, dark, and, of course, relevant.

Brooding On: Athletics

2006-01-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

Announcing a new category of post within the Canon, Brooding On. In this first post of many to come, we will tackle the everyday subjects so all may relate and gain from the infinite wisdom contained. Take for instance, the athlete. One must study the various forms of sport in order to discern what kind of athlete is capable of Brooding. Generally speaking, sports require extensive emotion, camaraderie and uniforms of an anti-brooding nature. Subsequently, team sports are the most difficult to distinguish brooding. Particularly (for United States readers), American football and hockey are the most troublesome. Their normal team interactions and body armor detract from brooding, as well as the after the score exultations. Football is rife with the scoring “celebration” and other sports, namely basketball, are stricken with unsubstantiated posturing and less educated individuals. Thus, one must focus on sports that isolate the player from the game and provide instances of brooding amongst the action. However, there are many sports that an individual is the focus of the game and brooding is still untenable. Golf for instance, has the capability of producing a brooding player, but is saddled with colourful attire and racial arrogance. Gymnastics and Figure Skating are both solo and team sports, but both require the participant to express continuous emotion throughout the performance. This leads us to the following examples of sports that are capable of producing brooding:

Baseball: A poetic team game, which requires the actions of all players, but it is in the individual’s quiet moments, that this game reveals its true nature. Mr. Andrew Pettite, formerly of the New York Yankees is a fine example of brooding. Mr. Pettite, in his dark solitary stance at the mound, epitomizes a man immersed in his thoughts and is without peer.

Track and Field: Once again, a sport of team as well as individuals, this contest pits the resolve of one persons brain and a fully cleansed, healthy body, against the tyranny of the elements. Mr. Michael Johnson, known for his “stare”, projects his will and thoughts upon the consciousness of the world. Brooding quite possibly could be insufficient to describe the statue of Mr. Johnson (please see link in title of entry).

Tennis:
Considering the solo match, a man or woman must embark on a two to three hour game of physics and fortitude. There are exceptions within this sport, namely Mr. John McEnroe, whom tried to elevate his machismo above his abilities to alter the game to his advantage. One such player who let his mind and powerful backhand dictate his actions was Mr. Ivan Lendl. In addition, Mr. Lendl was blessed with some of the finest hollow cheeks ever witnessed.

Chess: Not considered a sport in most of the world, but indeed is the national sport of Russia, Chess is the ultimate example of brooding in sport. Mental abilities, silence and various hand on face/chin rubs, illustrates the triumph of brooding above all other disciplines. Mr. Garry Kimovich Kasparov, chess grandmaster, unrivaled in his sport for many years is the very essence of brooding.

Note: In this entry, as in others, Google Image search was utilized to obtain the pictures contained within this page. All pictures are the property of their respective owners. All images have been altered for esthetic purposes of the site via Apple iPhoto. Ms. Marisa Gianfortune, a reader and Brooder in training, sourced Mr. Andrew Pettite’s image. Thank you.

Brooding Inquiries. 09 January 2006

2006-01-09T18:57:00.000-05:00

The Inquiry: "Why is Death in Venice the most brooding of books? In terms of content, all right, it's pretty brooding, but I think weighty tomes are more aesthetically brooding. Also, could you suggest any brooding songs?" -Marykate, Brooklyn.

The Riposte: Thomas Mann's Death in Venice may not be the most brooding of books, but it is one of the most brooding. CoBrA also recommends Donna Tart's The Secret History and Aldous Huxley's Point, Counter-Point for their academic, melancholy themes. If you are in a light-hearted mood and care for something a bit less dark we recommend Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho. Now, the heft and girth of a book play no part in heightening one's brooding; rather, it is the words and language contained inside that matter most! Remember, a brooder is less concerned with his or her outward disposition (though, it is important) than the mental acumen. Even still, a fine, beaten copy of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables or Norman Mailer's The Naked and The Dead will more than satisfy your penchant for novels that are both brooding and enceinte.

In response to your query for brooding songs, Dahn Darq is a big fan of Vincent Gallo's brilliant, minimalist CD entitled "When" as well as Beck's low, heavy vocals on his album "Sea Change".

Broodingly,
Dahn Darq

MASTER BROODERS: Jason Statham, the Rugged Brooder.

2006-01-08T21:48:00.000-05:00

Few can match the icy intensity of British actor Jason Statham. Whether it be the effortless ease with which he fills out a well-tailored suit, his penchant for using flawless grammar, or his amazing ability to perform his own stunt work, Mr. Statham is a cornerstone of contemporary Brooding. See here how he utilizes a cigarette to entrance the viewer with a smoke-filled sheen of mysterious complexity and ruggedness. Comfortable in supporting roles, yet man enough to carry action films on his own broad shoulders, Jason Statham is, sans doubt or debate, a Master Brooder.

Brooding Essentials Volume 1. Turtlenecks and Literature.

2006-01-05T23:59:00.000-05:00

As with any study, profession, hobby, or sport, there are several prerequisites that one must either attain or own in order to be considered Brooding. Some of these are mental and can only be fully acquired through practice and training; others are material and can be purchased at several recommended high-end retailers. The Brooding Arts is pleased to treat our fans with the first installment of Brooding Essentials Volume 1. In this installment we will cover some of the very basic principles of brooding:

The Black Turtleneck. One of the cornerstones of brooding! When wearing a black turtleneck one is overwhelmingly encompassed in one's brooding. Be wary, however, not wear the black turtleneck too baggy.

High End, Astute Literature. Nothing says "brooding", and "highbrow intellectual", more than a fine, weather-beaten copy of a classic novel. The Brooding Arts prefers, and highly recommends, Death in Venice by Thomas Mann.

As always, be considerate when practicing your Brooding, for CoBrA does not want you to be perceived as a stubborn elitist. Rather, strive to be the elite of Brooding.

The Brooding Paradox: When to Brood.

2006-01-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

Oftentimes, a true Brooder may find himself in a situation where being naturally brooding may very well work against him. While these instances are certain to be few and far between, they do exist. We here at the BA do our very best to ensure that our members are always ready to use their skills and ettiquette in the Brooding Arts. We understand the neccessity of being knowingly brooding; however, there are times when outside factors may warrant us to be, how shall we say, ah yes, less brooding. Do not fret. As uncomfortable as it may sound, you may want to accustom yourself to taking an hour or two off from your training per day. Just be conscious of these moments and use them to reflect on the many ways in which you could be even more brooding than you already are! For instance, it is not neccessary to be incredibly brooding during a scheduled office meeting, nor do you need to be as intense while enjoying a meal with your parents. Simply, turn it down a notch and use the skills of language and manners to emit your brooding-ness.

The Commandments of Brood

2006-01-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

I, Chin Rubs

Perhaps one of the quintessential movements for an it-brooder, the chin rub allows one to have the appearance of being deep in thought while also emitting a subtle air of self-importance. When mixed with the proper lighting, a chin rub can be intensely effective when posing for a picture, portrait, and/or bust.

II, Hollow Cheeks

When posing for a picture, portrait and/or bust one must suck his cheeks inwards to create a "hollowed" or "defined" effect that is so important when one wants to be captured in a dark state of brood. Be wary of puckering in the lips for this creates an overwhelming arrogance that steals some of the magnificent thunder away from a brooding, chiseled face.

III, Pushups

A timeless exercise maneuver used to thicken the upper back and/or arms. A leaner back is effective when wearing garments from the ribbed family. This helps to "fill out" the elastic quality of the clothing while also complimenting the ruggedness of the classic "Hollow Cheeks".

IV, Wallet Placement

When wearing a coat with an inner chest pocket, the wallet must be held in aforesaid pocket. This avoids discomfort when crossing and uncrossing legs, a tactic which is so important when brooding in a sitting position.

V, No Pastels

In order to attain a brooding appearance one must edge towards blacks, grays, and occasionally brown. Pastels neutralize the dark nature of the prior colors thus lessening the possibility of becoming a master brooder.

VI, Dark socks

An essential. For one to appear "brooding" the space between the pant cuff and the shoe must never appear in light tones. Imagine the shin and ankle as an extension of the brooding brain. The roots for the mind, if you will. Dark socks allow the brooder to cross his legs without drawing attention away from the pants (unpleated) and foot wear. Be concious of the "narrow light", the small area of flesh between sock and pant cuff which neutralizes all sense of intense simmering.

VII, Squinting or narrowing of eyes

Combined with a chin rub or other hand upon head pose, a subtle squinting or narrowing of the eyes is essential for an "it" millennial brooder. Squinting your eyes while observing someone or something establishes your focus and intents. This also makes the "gateway" into you as difficult to see as possible. E.g.. Marlon Brando's eyes in The Godfather are nonexistent..

VIII, Literature

A fundamental for the millennial brooder. Literature, not books, allows one to carry a noteworthy and eyecatching accessory while allowing the brooder to appear intellectual and self-informed. Leather bound volumes by deceased authors are incredibly effective for sunday afternoon lounging and wine tasting. Note: The leather of the volume should be in accordance with that of the belt and shoes.

Founders and Master Brooders

2006-01-01T00:31:00.000-05:00

Bruce Bruder (left) and Dahn Darq (right) first began studying the Brooding Arts in 1997. Together they founded The Canon of the Brooding Arts, or CoBrA, an institution whose very fiber, whose very elemental being, exists to share the pleasures and rewards of Brooding with the rest of the world. They are readily available, on a consultory basis, to assist in making you or your surroundings infinitely more Brooding.

For services, questions, or comments of the Brooding sort, please email us at:
the.brooding.arts@gmail.com